HEAD GASKETS, FACE RAPE AND THE GAIN FROM PAIN

Now that's a title.  I have had a shitty June. Utterly awfully amazingly shitty.   A few brief blips - the weekend before the birthday but apart from that it is a right off, but as they say the things that hurt you the most, you learn from the most, ditto the people.    So putting a positive spin on June 2014, I have learnt an incredible amount about myself and other people.    Albeit more than I would like in one go.  Vertical learning curve stuff. 

First of all, I had the psychology exams. Three hours in two consecutive days of writing by hand. Who writes by hand any more, let alone for three hours? Next the birthday party which was lovely.  My remit was as long as everyone else is happy I am happy. So I was happy because everyone else was happy. 

Working on finishing the book and getting everything ready for France this summer.  Subbing my own work.   If you are anal subbing 35000 words is your idea of bliss. I am not. It was not.      As for France, its a stunning beautiful property and I have a lovely team working there but I've got to go this year.   

But the car has blown its gasket, white smoke coming out of the exhaust, poor thing collecting Tom from school.  I am now a member of the AA and I have no car.   Or it has done something which means its dead or cheaper to buy another one.  Its a car version of me.    

So is my laptop.   My laptop died, not both of them, just one of them.   I've learnt I must save my photos on all my computers.   

Then I met Dr Sach Mohan from Revere clinics again who told me about the link between anti ageing and yoga and how improving the way we breathe improves the way we age.  Yoga makes you younger. Its official.   YOGA MAKES YOU LOOK AND BE YOUNGER.   And exercise is good for us, but in short sharp bursts, rather than marathon runners or triathletes, or anything endurance.    Which ages you. That's why all professional marathon runners don't look as healthy as they should.  Heptathletes have the balance right - aerobic and anaerobic combo - allegedly.   

Last time I saw Dr Sach he gave me a no holds barred full break down of my face, what I needed doing and told me this time (correcting the previous blog) I don't have a weak jaw, I have a strong jaw.   Well this month with all this lesson learning, I think I need one.   Dr Sach told me in such detail what I needed he admitted it was like 'face rape' but consensual.  Is that the equivalent of asking for it?   Be careful what you wish/ask for...  Any way, lesson one, don't ask an expert what they want to do with your face no holds barred because they will tell you.   

Dr Sach also shared with me a lot of other things which I can't tell anyone about which is very frustrating but think I could be a worthy and oddly relevant case study for a treatment which sounds amazing. 

Nothing to do with botox, plastic surgery, or artificial face lifts.  But I will write about it in time - when he allow me to.  

So looking back on June, I will be pleased when its over.  I nearly blew a gasket myself -  like my poor car (RIP Tonto). I will mourn the loss of the car but I will not mourn the loss of June 2014.  I will just remember and learn from its many amazing painful lessons.

FIFTY IS THE NEW FIFTY

FIFTY is the new thirty. I DO NOT WANT TO BE THIRTY AGAIN. I had just got married. Actually its the year I got married so Fifty can be the new fifty as far as I am concerned. I am fitter now than I was then and although my fiftieth (the day) wasn't brilliant, it was still better than my thirtieth.   Hands down, no question.

I woke up alone, but not feeling alone which is a good thing. How many wake up with someone, even a house full of kids and responsibilities and feel very alone?  I think a lot.   A lot that would care to admit, even on an anonymous blog.

I taught yoga for two and a half hours. That I loved.  We did something called hippy yoga which sort of belongs is joss stick land where there's a big Buddha in the corner and flowers everywhere and photos of thin Indians looking stern or serene or strangely both.   The photos are always in black and white.   Any way, we did hippy yoga and everyone was chilled, Even me.

I met some friends in Wimbledon who are lovely.   They have everything on the face of it, and probably do under the surface but everyone has their hiccups and they are no exception. And then another friend, totally different situation.  In Petersham Nurseries, which was closing down for the day, so we got a free pot of tea.  Now that's a result.    In a place that charges £90 for a tea cup, to get a free pot of tea.    Fiftieth birthday.

I had to sort out some bits and my computer was playing up. Then they both played up. And I couldn't find my glasses.  So I was trying to decipher stuff on the computer I couldn't read. And being sent emails I couldn't read some of which looked very important.  I had four meetings the day before all of which had been cancelled so I ended up coming home and thinking someone up there wants me to do nothing. But I'm not very good at doing nothing.  I have to do something, even if its writing about nothing.

And Tom hadn't bought me a card, or made me a card. And thats the card that matters. But the ex texted happy birthday, which was nice.  The ex husband didn't, but that says more than if he had.  Its the thought that counts. Yes definitely pleased to be fifty.    You can have thirty any day.

WRINKLY OF RICHMOND - BEFORE AND AFTER

I have a strong jaw.  Saggy eyelids and my skin needs resurfacing.   I need something called PING, and ENDYMED, and some botox because I grind my teeth because I'm stressed and prolonged stress is ageing.   And I need some botox in the forehead. And my lips are too thin, and they've got thin like a 'purse string' that's been pulled so I've got lips like a smoker.   It was as though all the stuff I've been doing since starting this 'wrinkly of Richmond' column has amounted to nothing.  As far as Sach (pictured below, the glowing one!) was concerned, I needed help.   Yup, no punches pulled here, although he admittedly is very skilled, knows what he is talking about and acts as a 'gatekeeper' working with 'virgin faces' who haven't had a lot done to them already.  "I want each face to go out as an advertisement to my work." I get that.   So many leave clinics as a 'warning'.  And seeing his clients they all look beautiful, and most importantly human.   So I suppose that makes me the key holder. But it was disarming as I've done a lot of other stuff over the past six months.   Admittedly perhaps if I hadn't done the other stuff perhaps he wouldn't have let me in the door.

As for my features, I didn't see these things before but when I looked in the mirror again, I did.   When these things were pointed out to me I did.  Denial is a wonderful thing. Well so I thought when  I looked in the mirror and I wanted to cry.  I admit I had only seen the smile before and now I saw everything else and wondered if everyone else sees everything else and not the smile.  I remember being on TV once talking about the mummy mafia app and someone wrote I needed botox then but give me a break, it was five in the morning.

 I didn't want to cry when I arrived. I thought I looked OK. I felt OK, that in the past year I've achieved a lot, so much in many ways.  Yes, there's been a few hiccups this week to say the least and its only Wednesday but shit happens.   And I'm doing the 'its amazing' mantra,  because life is amazing, and like everyone else I've so much to be grateful for.  For example, I had a reader contact me today about how much she enjoys the articles I write for the Richmond magazine.   I so get use to the bad stuff, its disarming when its lovely.    And I know some wonderful people many of whom I met at the weekend.

So back to the wrinkles, the thing about anti-ageing treatments is that you want to look like you. Or I want to look like me, but a best of me.   Not a mask.    I remember visiting an LA restaurant six years back with three other travel journalists and every other table there had diners who looked exactly the same, blond, toned, high cheek boned, wide eyed, very wide eyed, pouting lips and no expression.  We stood out.  We looked human. You had no idea what anyone was thinking and probably still wouldn't even if you engaged them in conversation. No, I don't mean that.  Well, I think I don't mean that.

So thank you Sach from Revere Clinic in Harley Street. I had a treatment which didn't hurt, was quick and I will have again because despite the no holds barred 'this is what you look like' - he's another one who talks sense.  I do feel though I should stand on my head more. That seems to be the only sure fire way of beating that awful natural thing that keeps us on the planet - gravity.  I will have to save up because the PING doesn't pop unless you are a banker or his wife.

And Sach is another one that looks twelve!   Now look at the photos. Which is the before and which is the after?    Can you tell?

PHOTO OF MY INVITE FOR MY 50TH BIRTHDAY PARTY WHICH SAYS IT ALL REALLY. YOGA, TRAVEL (SET IN MALTA) AND EXHAUSTED.

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