This is without doubt
the sexiest hotel I have ever stayed in. At ten quid a toastie, it is also one of the most
expensive, but as you enter you cannot stop to wow at the edgy drama of the
Cathedral like hallway, reaching up to the sky draped in dark reds and maroon,
uplights creating dramatic shadows as though there are stained glass windows
although there are none.
I felt as though I had walked into a particularly funky remake of
Masque of the Red Death and was about to dance for my life.
A man in a short white cape, vampirish
looking, tall, dark, handsome, with a white top hat, greets you and manages to
not look out of place. That’s a
gift.
Experience managers at the
black lacquered tabled reception desks, help to improve your experience,
whatever you want your experience to be.
Most who stay here choose not to leave the hotel itself, and I
understand why. Each overly high backed chair you sit
on is designed to sink into and keep you there. Even the air smells sexy in this hotel. The location is central, so the excellent art gallery
is within easy walking distance as is the flee market and local restaurants,
but the outside comes to you. You don’t even have to leave the hotel
to meet the locals as the locals come to the hotel, congregating in the salon
at tea and supper time, and the restaurant, which is an open kitchen, where the
owner and his family also eat serves the most beautiful steak. Eighty eight rooms which probably
leave guests screaming with delight, a tango night each night with authentic
dancers in an intimate space, so intimate you could touch the dancers, and a
spa which is not just an add on but a holistic experience offering meditation
and a spa manager who for once knows her chakras from her yamas. They even do meditation breaks instead
of coffee breaks for businessmen here who get to see their auras. I am told they all convert to the
light side in a hotel that is much more than fifty shades.
All rooms are dripping
in red, mirrors and lighting is exquisite, edgy, perfect, creating drama
instead of shadows. Philip
Starke collaborated in the design and the white unicorn heads with red eyes in
the bistro restaurant jutting violently above each dining table to the huge
gold crown in the middle of the swimming pool pretending to be a fountain, to
the proliferation of mirrors absolutely everywhere and the dim lit darkness
which makes everyone (even loud Americans) speak in hushed tones, show his
mark. I am told they are planning similar in Miami where it will fit in
perfectly, although tries hard to be sexy and anywhere that tries hard, isn’t. Somehow the location of Buenos
Ares where the locals are naturally sexy because they don’t try and they just
are, is perfect for this type of hotel, which is a bit like walking into
someone’s very stylish, exclusive, beautifully crafted home. Faena is the place to be seen, or not
be seen (it’s so dark you could easily slip away). Gaga has stayed here, as has Bieber, as has a host of
others who can’t be named – I am told they would have to kill me if they told
me, and for once, I believe them.
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