I THINK A FOX HAS EATEN THE TORTOISE

I am very very upset.   I don't care about all the other crap the past two years - but I care about the tortoises. They have been with us since we moved to Richmond. It was tough moving here.   Tom was only three and still bemused why daddy had wanted to take the TV from the house.   We were going on an adventure, not a bear hunt, even more exciting, a home hunt.   To Richmond the other side of London, or the world as far as we knew.   Estate agents had tried to sell us everything under the sun other than the precise brief I had given them.   So we had moved home to rent until I had researched every road in Richmond (which I did) to see how the land lay. I saw the tortoises and bought two, to keep each other company.  They have been to France with us back and forth, loving the space, and with their passports (they have very long names) they have got on like an old married couple although I have never been sure if they are male/female, two males or two females and I'm not sure if they are either.   They are wonderful little dinosaurs in my home and other than Bruno I much prefer them to any other animal.   I am not a dog person or a cat person (Bruno you are the exception because you only visit occasionally for food) and then go.   The cats I am looking after are very cute and cuddly but they are also very noisy, needy and greedy - like the worst sort of boyfriend. Or if you're a bloke, I suppose you'd say girlfriend.  I am a tortoise person. They are so calming to have round the house (cats are not), they don't eat much, they were expensive to buy but they have been worth every penny.    True, I'm not sure if its Bill or Ben who's been eaten but I miss him/her anyway.

ROUND THE WORLD AGAIN..ON A HARLEY VIA JAPAN, BRAGGIES AND MAMALS.

World Travel Market, by passing the Real America for Authentic India on route to the Falklands with a seven foot penguin dressed in a union jack. Yup, World Travel Market.    Africa was quiet.  I rode a Harley Davidson and have promoted it on www.atozenoftravel.com for women who want to do a Thelma and Louise without the cliff jump.   Men shouldn't do Harley Davidson's especially those in mid life crisis biker leathers. Not cool, even if you do have a beard and can cook.    The travel trends are to do with mammals (men in lycra cycling). The craze in the States, although Richmond Upon Thames has got their first.  Go early before the gates open at Richmond and there they are cycling round, looking like morose puffed up seals and walruses depending on their girth.    Braggies are those who take photos of themselves when they travel, so I'm guilty of that one too, but hey its a blog.  And will not do it as much now. (THE ONE BELOW THE LAST ONE PROMISE…) Nor the yoga poses.  Online travel booking is pushing the rest of the market slowly but not completely out.
What else?  We like to stay in peoples homes abroad and eat with them. I see that lasting to a point - not because the demand will reduce, just the supply.   Sports Tourism with the rugby world cup landing here next year (just up the road actually).  And lastly, the fining of parents who take their children out of school for holidays during term time. People would actually vote for the party who gets rid of the fines.   That is how much they think of our politicians.  If they can keep one little promise they will vote for them.   As for the future, they think travel will invoke android and holographic staff in resorts, virtual reality holidays,

ipads used by guest as in reassert, hypersonic flight, tours in driverless vehicles, and fingerprint passports.  And oh yes, space travel.  But this was before the crash.  

ARE YOU VALUABLE?

Think of that question.    Not as in what your net asset value is or capital is or anything in financial terms. There was a recent survey that said women are slow at asking for pay rises. The journalists pseudo psychologists said because women lack self esteem.  But what you earn is not your worth.   And self esteem is to do with sense of worth - sense of value.  But what you earn has nothing to do with your value. Value is something much more complex.   What constitutes value? I mention all of this because I've just had my home here valued and one in France valued and they are not how I would value them. No way.  One is too high, one too low. They are both in their own way priceless because they are homes. And I've just had a conversation with my friend. She has a relative who feels she's wasted her life. That her life hasn't been of value.
She got divorced in her thirties and is now in her seventies. She didn't work, she did some voluntary work. Her ex was a control freak, who chipped away at her confidence during their marriage and continued to do so after the divorce, using money to control. He always supported her, giving her enough to survive but not live - you know the difference. So did he. And would gently drip drip feed at every opportunity to her that she couldn't survive without his money. She bought into that. A lot of women do. If you are told you lack value continually its difficult to walk away - especially when you are tied with children.He married again, with kids. Successful career. She looked after the children. Wonderful children. Wonderful grandchildren. He takes all the credit being both successful, characterful and financially solvent. His infidelity and cruelty forgiven if not forgotten. But I know this old woman. She lives close to her doting intelligent beautiful daughter. She sees most of her grandchildren every day. She is loved. Really loved. I told my friend to tell her mother that she hasn't wasted her life. She has children and grandchildren she sees regularly. Whom love her and always give her cuddles. But my friend's mother needs to be reminded of this. That she has family and that is what she has 'done' with her life. Because that is worthwhile. 

YOGA SHOW - LESSONS LEARNT - FOCUS ON YOU AND GET RID OF THE MOOD HOOVERS AND ORGASMIC YOGA. YEAH!

Yoga Show yesterday. Turned up with head full of 'stuff'.   Thankfully met some very helpful people including a life coach and meditation expert.   Both live in the real world, not rainbows and unicorns if you know what I mean, which this sort of show can attract.   Highlight - the sex yoga.  Originates from Santa Monica (allegedly) hilarious. Its not yoga porn. Its porn.   Teacher called Psalm Isadora - thats a porn name but I think is actually her real name (she is from LA after all)

Its called Orgasmic, sexy sweaty flow yoga.   Going to try it with the class tonight.   They're gonna love it.

Check out Julie Smith who produces meditation tapes.   Specialises in those who can't sleep. Going to recommend her to all of my friends.   www.julie-smith.net/sleep   Her tapes are brilliant. She's having an intriguing one day event in St Johns Wood.   Saturday 13th December for all those with 'emotional issues' - which is about everyone yes?

Check out www.30dayhappinesschallenge.com      If you want to get happy.  And have the money to spend.    If it doesn't work, and you're still miserable, they give you your money back - although you may feel you've wasted your time as well as money.

 There's something called a power breathing workshop  www.wildlotus.co.uk   Breath is power but if you have £20 spare, give it a go.   17th January for an hour and half of heavy breathing.

Yoga retreats - breathspiration www.breathspriation.com  Dislike the name but the range of holidays looks really good.   Includes scuba diving as well. Ideal for those going through mid life crisis - or any crisis. Again, if its a financial crisis you can't really go on these things can you?  Begging the question the people who need this the most can't afford it, only the neurotic ones can.   But it may cure their neurosis.  Or feed it…

Also check out www.gymanda.com. Met Amanda York briefly at the show.  I liked what she said on the leaflet. For those with time management issues, good to go to.    And she's not expensive either..

If you're going to go to the States for yoga, go Santa Monica. They are all bonkers there.   Ashtanga is a competitive type of yoga.   My opinion, but I feel it is one of the most competitive so appeals to men a lot.    There's an extensive weekend in July check out www.unionyoga.co.uk.  Not sure if its actually in Santa Monica as the leaflet doesn't say  (not helpful), but the classes look interesting - flying floating and hand sanding, eight limbs and daily life. All very LA.  www.santamonica.com/yoga

Other holidays, check out www.adventureyogi.com  You can ski and yoga, walk and yoga,  surf and yoga (I presume not at the same time),  hike and yoga and detox and yoga.     Going to put it on my website. www.atozenoftravel.com

Yoga for children and also those with special needs. Excellent and worthy ideal and idea  www.specialyoga.org.uk

Ariel yoga (where you hang from ropes. Love to try it but think its only for the Chelsea set at the moment.   But they do it in Newbury www.wildlotus.co.uk  It looks a lot of fun (see pix)  if slightly mad.

Face yoga  www.johnbrnototaltraining.com  Absolutely lovely this.    Nothing like a good scream.

Also check out www.yogaadventure.co.uk  and the excellent life coach  Andrea Forizs.    Ex BBC, she knows her stuff. She said I should meditate more, focus more on me, rid myself of energy vampires and mood hoovers and meditate more.  I need some of the stuff I'm teaching.   www.breathspiration.com   andrea@breathspiration.com

FRIDAY EVENING AGAIN..SUPPER IN THE CAT.

So there I was writing my psychology essay (is deindividualisation and contagion what makes crowds the way they do or is it our sense of group identity? discuss sort of thing but they used longer words).   And finishing off my new website which I'm v pleased with (thinking should I put the 'blond''s pix under 'vain' as it is so the pose he would do) albeit he is better looking and he knows it, and also working on next book which has a sad ending, coz I can't think of a happy one. Mercury in retrograde till tomorrow. As far as I'm concerned its left the solar system.   And one of the cats has eaten my supper. The cat jumped off the mat and went on the kitchen table and ate the chicken.    Bloody thing.

And then a friend comes round for a chat and gives me a travel log which is lovely.   Isn't that a lovely thing to happen to you, just out of the blue.    I have had so much crap its laughable now.    I look up at the sky and think 'what now you arsehole' which isn't very zen of me, but even my editor would say this level of stuff couldn't happen to one person. Perhaps its because I moved something in the wrong feng shui area, or something, but its bonkers.   I am not going to be deterred.    I am seeing family this weekend. Always an intriguing prospect reserved for Christmases and funerals.  Its an engagement party so the atmosphere will be a combination of both - terminal excitement.

Apart from finishing aforementioned essay, website, book, I am off to the yoga show this weekend.  There will be lots of mats, oils, joss sticks, buddhas, emaciated people, and there is the latest trends one of which is something called broga, which encourages boys to do yoga. (bromance and yoga - get it)

If they say its where you will find fit young ladies then they will go. Anything else will not work.  I know men who have taken up pilates and yoga just to pull.  Gives the yogi phrase 'be as one' a totally different context.

RIDING ANOTHER STORM...

I have been asked to go surfing in Cornwall. As a hurricane has just struck - or a non hurricane as the weatherman/woman stated, is this wise?   A death wish perhaps.  Its for work so I'm going to give it a go and see if I can ride the storm….

CAKE BAKING AND ROMAN RUINS

Posting those photos of the phenomenal food we had in Verona (check out the squid ink risotto - it was incredible and on a parr with the breakfast I had years ago in Rajasthan - curry no less), has made me think of cooking. I do not cook.  I mean, I can cook, but its not something that does it for me (nor anyone else who has tasted my food).  I am wasted on a good restaurant - unless its in Verona in which case its not.   (miss it already) and when you looked down there were roman ruins under the glass floor INCREDIBLE!   (see pix). But I did cook ok cake.

So I am making German Marble Cake.   Tom's away on a geography field trip and I'm gonna surprise him (unless of course he reads the blogs which I don't think he does).  
BTW the photo is of the roman ruins underneath my feet at the restaurant. For the name of the restaurant, read February edition of Richmond Magazine which comes out in January - ideal for Valentines or anytime really….