Thursday, 20 September 2012
The law is allegedly going to stop emotional abuse within relationships. I think it's the right thing to do but how to monitor is difficult. Having been in an emotionally abusive marriage and my ex still attempting to bully when others aren't around to witness it, I know first hand how it can seem the person being bullied can seem like the one who's losing their mind. These psychopaths, because that's what they are, are usually highly financially functional men - although there are women - who come across as charming, laid back individuals. I know this is so common. I see it amongst friends. In fact with one couple I had both versions of one story and knew the woman was speaking the truth but the man spoke with such sincerity that it made me feel sick. I knew he was lying, well not lying quite, just twisting the truth. The problem occurs when you can never separate from them because you have children. The best thing to do always is to have as little contact as possible on any subject. It's difficult again when you have children because you will need to talk to each other, but eventually the buttons they will try to push won't work. The marriage may stop but the abuse doesn't. They will never stop trying of course. Last time I sat with my ex for 10 mins, because that's all the time he had to talk about an issue, it lasted two hours. I walked back wondering how it could have lasted that long and then realised he had mentioned everything that he possibly could to push all buttons and none of them had worked. The only time I felt sad was when I learnt that his father was ill and it reminded me of my own father. I wrote the Control freak Chronicles to identify the 'type'.